During this COVID-19 quarantine, I have gained a few extra seconds of free time, so what do I do? Look through old journals, of course. While reading through journals from 2015 and beyond, I realized how much easier life would have been if only I had learned a few lessons earlier. I also realized that those lessons could help a few people currently. So, here is that list of 10 things I wish my younger self had known.

Don’t Be Selfish With Love.

Your friends can have other friends without unfriending you. Trust that the person you have put your trust into can love others while they love you. Your friend’s relationship with someone else is entirely different than your friend’s relationship with you. You are all different, and no one can replace you or the time you and your friend have spent together. God has gifted you amazing friends who love and cherish you. Instead of clinging to them, cling to God, because He is the source of love.

Forgive Yourself.

If you’ve already asked for forgiveness from God and those involved, plus if you’ve made it right, stop blaming yourself! Stop believing you are a bad person because you made a mistake or a bad choice. Your choices and errors, your actions, do not define you or your worth. If God forgave you already, then what makes you think you shouldn’t forgive yourself? You are not better or more just than God, so if He grants you mercy, grace, and forgiveness, give yourself mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Forgive yourself for past mistakes, too. Recognize that you were still learning then as you are now, and the past sins don’t define you, either. They don’t make you a horrible person; they were a part of your journey. Because God is constantly working on our hearts and we are constantly making mistakes, we must let go of past faults to allow for change to happen.

Give Yourself Grace.

You shouldn’t hold yourself to the standard of perfection. of course, you have potential, and you are capable, but it won’t happen overnight, and if you were perfect, you wouldn’t need God. He wants to work in your life and do the work in you to transform you into a perfect child of His, but you have to step back and let Him work. You are so busy getting upset at yourself for every tiny mistake that you miss all the beautiful, perfect moments God has given you. Give yourself grace and don’t put so much of your worth and value into your works, performance, or actions. You are human, and you are learning.

Be spontaneous.

I wish my younger self had known that if plans don’t go your way, make the best of the situation and laugh it off. This lesson is so important, especially as you age because you are going to have to work cheerfully with people who might not want to follow your plan, and life has a way of turning upside down, not only with the major things, but with small events. If you aren’t able to cope with the small deviations, how will you maintain your sanity with the massive changes?

Be Honest With Yourself and Others.

Be careful not to let your opinions of someone cloud your attitude towards them. If you have an opinion of someone, ask yourself where this is coming from and if you should actually be treating them this way and/or thinking badly of them. If you have a legitimate problem with someone, talk to them! Don’t ignore the problem and talk about that person behind their back or give them an attitude.

Put yourself in other people’s shoes.

You are not the only one affected by a situation, so think of how other people feel and what they think and need.

Turn Your Eyes Upon God’s Gifts.

Celebrate the positive and skim past the negative. Focus on the bright side of things by asking for the mind of Christ. If there isn’t positives, think of ways to make it better or something for which you are grateful. For example, I had a–interesting time at a school retreat, but while it wasn’t the best experience, I made new friends and now I have one amazing story to tell.

Grow Up In Your Own Time.

Another thing I wish my younger self had known is that you don’t have to grow up so quickly, enjoy being a kid for as long as possible, even if you feel pressured to like new things, act in different ways, and focus on certain things. After crossing the Rubicon, there’s no turning back. I wish my younger self had known to run around like a crazy person more often, sing loudly in the car with friends, and play stuffed animals with her younger sister.

Emotions are Not Bad.

Having feelings about a situation does not make you sappy or irrational; emotions are not something to be ashamed of or hidden. You can talk about emotions, you need to process them, and you can’t hide from them forever. You must stop inadvertently bottling your feelings to put on this “miss perfect” facade. I know you don’t mean to, but genuinely examine why you hate talking about your feelings and even writing about your emotions. The more you bottle them up, the sooner they explode.

You are an Amazing Work of God.

Be confident in who you are. Just like emotions, you can’t hide your intentions or insecurities forever. You must know you bring something unique and special to the table, and don’t ever let the inner critic freak you out to the point where you can’t even speak without second-guessing your words. People want you to be confident and talkative, witty and comedic, inquisitive and comfortable in your own skin. Remember that people are just as insecure as you are, especially in middle school. Take a deep breath and focus not on that little stutter 20 minutes ago, and instead focus on how you can brighten someone else’s day. I promise you; people want to get to know you, they will love you when you have the confidence to be a little crazy, a little loud, and a little talkative.

Closing Remarks

The list goes on, but I wanted to end with being confident because I feel like that lesson is so relevant to most if not all middle school students, and it sums up my last journal in elementary and my first journal while in middle school. I also think it is important to point out that I still struggle with a few of these. Bad habits are hard to break, and most will take years to overcome. I still struggle with forgiving myself, celebrating the positive, and being spontaneous. But God has brought me this far and I know He will continue to work in me.

Until next time,

-Alycia