Spiteful insults have the ability to hurt, bad. But only if we give it the power to infiltrate our hearts and destroy our confidence. I am a naturally introspective person, and I tend to internalize every day comments. The Bible talks a lot about not saying words out of spite and why we should love people despite their issues, but how might we ensure insults lose their power and don’t cause permanent damage?

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs 12:18

Where Do The Insults Come From?

“The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.”

Proverbs 12:16

People who can see the big picture and overall theme of a situation can ignore an insult. But fools immediately share their frustrations. No, this doesn’t mean we must ignore embarrassing, hurtful and frustrating comments. It only means to not act out of spite and not purposefully draw attention to the insult. There is a time and place for many things, but seeking wise council in processing insults can easily become a way to mask starting drama if we do not keep our motives in check. Managing motives often requires taking a step back and looking at the big picture. Does this insult come from a place of truth or insecurity? Often, spiteful words come from insecurity (see blog post on judgement). There is a quote that reads: “Don’t accept criticism from someone you wouldn’t seek advice from.”

See with Love

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience…above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Colossians 3:12-14

See ourselves with love, just as God has shown us grace and compassion, we, too, are to look at ourselves with grace and compassion. Insults can plant seeds or even water weeds of insecurities. For me, the little comments fester and grow into issues I beat myself up for having. But by seeing ourselves as God does and giving ourself patience and grace, we tap into a God-given protection for wounds caused by the careless words of others. We are God’s beloved.

We also should see others with love, kindness, and compassion. Realize that those who speak ill of others have insecurities that far surpass their words. The words uttered from our mouths show the true abundance of our hearts. It is said time and time again that eyes are the window into the soul, but I disagree. Words are the window into the soul. Words are used to protect the soul, because words are powerful enough to show the darkest parts of your heart. By understanding that words often are a coping skill, a product of deep pain as well as a device to inflict deep pain, we have wisdom to show others unhuman love.

We are God’s beloved, and He knows what is best for us. Because this is true, and because God gives us grace and patience, then it can be argued that grace and patience, characterized as love, is what is best for us. Love is best for us. If love is best for us, then can it not be assumed that love is best for others?

God Will Judge Fairly

“When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.”

1 Peter 2:23

When someone insults or speaks ill of you, it is only natural to make a fist and want to react. It is human nature to desire justice, and justice is of God. But when human hands seek to enforce justice, it appears more as fairness than true justice. Since God is the only truly wise and all-knowing being, He is the only one who can perfectly judge others.

When you hear a mean joke, an insult, a comment that feeds your insecurities and hurts you, trust God’s providence. Understand that it is a lie, a cruel lie, and just because someone else thinks it’s okay to unknowingly plant a channel for Satan to enter your heart, does not mean you can’t pull that weed. God gives you the power to chose what you keep in your garden.

Don’t Let Insults Ruminate

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:31-32

By not focusing on the hurtful words and instead “killing them with kindness”, we protect our hearts from hurt. But where is the line between acting with forgiveness and Christian love, and enabling someone to treat you with disrespect?

Do What You Can, and Leave The Rest

I have struggled with this question for a few months now. Matthew 18 gives instructions on what to do if someone wrongs you.

1. Talk to the person one on one.

2. If the problem persists, find others who have had the same issue or who have witnessed this person wronging you and return to the person.

3. If the person still refuses to listen, take it to the church, or the proper authorities.

4. After the first three steps, if the problem persists, the Bible instructs you to

God doesn’t send us friendships to hurt us. He created us “fearfully and wonderfully”, and since He created us with respect, we, even at our most sinful, deserve respect.

You follow Ephesians 4:31-32 by loving people despite their sins. You try your best according to the Bible’s instruction to “live at peace with one another”, but after those 3 steps, it’s time to let them go. Wish them well, don’t hold grudges, but it’s time to move on.

Final Thoughts

It is too easy to allow a rude comment to ruminate in your heart. It’s too easy to disregard all the tips listed above. I want you to know that you do not deserve to deal with the issues of others and your own inherent problems. People do not have the right to allow the fruit of their problems and insecurities to bleed onto you.

This world truly is sick with sin. But God does not leave us with these issues. He does not turn His back on your pain, leaving you to deal with it on your own. He does not expect you to carry the load on your own. Their insults, although aimed at you, are not yours to bear. I don’t say all this to enable you to not filter through the thoughts. I say this to hopefully communicate that you were not created to let insults roll off your back without a second thought.

We were created for a perfect world where people spoke life into each other. It is a process to consistently combat Satan’s lies. It’s hard. It’s painful. I hate that I even had to write this post, I hate that this is an issue in today’s modern world. But know that you are God’s beloved, and you do not deserve to be mistreated. If you have tried your best to fight a battle you weren’t created to fight (even though we are equipped), it’s time to distance yourself from the negativity. External negative forces do nothing to help the internal destruction we already face. I made the mistake of blaming myself for internalizing the insults. The issues of others are not your fault.