Perfectionism, “a doctrine holding that religious, moral, social, or political perfection is attainable, especially the theory that human moral or spiritual perfection should be or has been attained.” Merriam-Webster says it is “the theological doctrine that a state of freedom from sin is attainable on earth.”

I have been subconsciously trying for the past 14 years to free myself from sin. If I had only realized all that work was pointless, Jesus has already done the work for me. 

November 2019 was my first year doing National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short. I learned a lot during those 30 days, and one of my biggest takeaways is just how much my perfectionism shapes who I am, and how much I allow it to. In the14 years of my life, I have learned a lot, from how to tie my shoes to how to give my thoughts to God. I grew up knowing that I should go to God with my struggles, which I tried to do to the best of my ability (that was another box to be checked if I wanted to be perfect). Perfectionism, however; has always hovered just beneath my radar of immediate issues that must be defeated posthaste; otherwise, the world will crumble, and the Earth will explode. Like a weed, perfectionism has grown into this beast of a vine, weaving its way through my core, distorting my thoughts, and feeding me lies. Being ignorant of the weeds don’t stop them from growing. The problem is I didn’t even know I had let it grow. 

Now, stepping back from it all, I see how this is such a massive part of who I say I am. I let it grow into my identity. Becoming perfect was my main goal in life. I thought, if only I could check all these boxes, I could be a worthy vessel for God. If only I could fit my standards of being “perfect”, I could serve Him with every ounce of my being. I would go through shifts in my mood, in my self-esteem, in my honesty with myself. The pendulum would swing from this achiever within me who kept striving for perfection and believing it was attainable If I tried hard enough, to transforming into this depressed and hopeless rag of a human with no desire to get up in the morning, someone who gave up on all her dreams and aspirations, someone who gave up on life, there was no reason to live when I was destined to die. That’s how I felt about my image of being perfect. If I couldn’t live perfectly, why live at all? There was no reason. In my mind, that was all to life. Of course, this was all subconscious, and I never realized the real issue until much later. In talking about what in my childhood affected me and planted the seeds of perfectionism, God opened my eyes to see that at that moment, I couldn’t identify the parts of me that were myself and which parts of me were perfectionism. I didn’t know who I was. I had been living and breathing and speaking this lie to myself that I, Alycia Dantier, was nothing without perfectionism. 

After God revealed this lie to me, I initially didn’t know how to take it. For the past few weeks, I had again put it on the back burner, occasionally thinking about it but making no real steps toward an answer or plan of action. But that’s why I write; it forces me to deal with the unanswered questions. I will never forget the moment where I was asked to write down what thoughts in me were my own, and what thoughts in me were perfectionism. I couldn’t identify my identity. And that is what I will do in this article. 

Psalm 139 says I am made with attention and respect and wonder. I am beautifully and marvelously made; I am God’s best handiwork. I am seen by God even when I feel others do not see me.

“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the Earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.”

Psalm 139:13-16 (NKJV)

“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)

I am precious and valuable. God is content to dwell in me as I am now.

Colossians 2 says I am complete in Jesus because when we allow God to rule in our lives, we step underneath His wing and into the identity of Jesus. 

“For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power.”

Colossians 2:9-10 (KJV)

1 Corinthians 6 echoes this truth; it says I am one in the body of Christ.

“But he that is joined unto the LORD is one spirit.” 

1 Corinthians 6:17 (KJV)

“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.”

Jeremiah 1:5 (KJV)

I am unique, one-of-a-kind, and made with a mission, planned for a purpose.

Romans 6 says I am free from sin; God gives me the power to choose to trust and obey Him rather than step foot into the kingdom of darkness. I am no longer my old self, but I am a child of God.

“Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. For he that is dead is freed from sin.”

Romans 6:6-7 (KJV)

Romans 15 says Christ accepts me.

“Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God.”

Romans 15:7 (KJV)

1 John 3:1 says “Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.”

1 John 3:1 (KJV)

I am God’s daughter, a child of God! 

Genesis 1 says God created me in His likeness. With Him, I have the ability to change and think.

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He Him; male and female created He them.”

Genesis 1:27 (KJV)

Perfectionism says I must check all these boxes to be good. God says I am good because Jesus is good and because I have stepped out of my past self and jumped head-first into Jesus’ identity, God sees me as He sees Jesus: a perfect child of God, made with respect, wonder, and beauty.  

“…it is not about my ability to change me; it is about His ability to change me.”

Alycia Dantier

God isn’t waiting for me to become “perfect” to draw closer to me or love me more. He loves me the same each day; God doesn’t change. Perfectionism is the lie that I must be perfect to take the next step. Well, God says it is not about my ability to change me; it is about His ability to change me. 

I am good because I am a child of God. I am what God says I am. When He said it is good, I have to trust that He meant it. 

My challenge for you today (and for myself) is to identify when thoughts are my own, and when they are perfectionism. A trick for decoding the lie from my thoughts is if it starts with “if only”, i.e. if only I was more confident, I would have more friends. If only I was more efficient, I would have more free time. If only I was perfect, I would be good. Also, ask God to stop you from justifying this lie of “well, the Bible says to be X, Y, and Z, so perfectionism isn’t bad, it’s simply God speaking through my conscious.” No, if you are relying on your own strength to do those X, Y, and Z things, that is not God. Perfectionism is, in the words of Merriam-Webster, “the theological doctrine that a state of freedom from sin is attainable on earth.” God never once says we have to save ourselves on our own. God never once tells us we must do X, Y, and Z to be good. He calls us to fall into His arms with trust and faith and a willing heart, and He will do the work. All we have to do is shut our mouths and open our hearts. Jesus has paid the price; He has done the work; all you have to do is trust and obey; not save yourself.