I don’t really know how to start this article. I don’t know what I want to say. But today I’m talking about burnout. I’m not even going to attempt to make this perfectly neat and put together. In conclusion, please enjoy or something along those lines.

Verses

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”

(Matthew 11:28-30).

To me, this verse is one of those that you hear consistently, but it never rings true until a specific season. God keeps bringing this common verse to my mind. Although the voice is small and often drowned out by my own stress, anxiety, and burnout, it is consistent. “my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” “come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” I want you to live in my rest.

My heart finds comfort and relief from those simple words.

Isaiah 40 reads: “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Isaiah 40

Another common verse, and yet it shines new light on a ever-present and newly-popular topic: burnout. God strengthens the tired and weary, those stumbling and falling on their faces. Immediately, however, my mind retreats to self-blame. Why aren’t I seeking God enough to achieve that divine strength? Why am I not getting the promised peace and rest? What am I missing?

All The Things

I don’t want to talk about all the things you need to or even should do to miraculously overcome burnout. I’m tired of the self-help books and articles with lists of how-to’s and to-do lists. My brain is tired and my heart is heavy. I’ve realized that no matter how much time I put into checking all the boxes and learning all the new coping strategies, I still feel empty, tired, and still hungry for something. Still hungry for understanding and rest.

This year has not met my expectations, in fact, 2020 looked at my expectations, that cute little new years resolution I write every year, and instead of attempting to comply, it ripped my hopes and aspirations into shreds and tossed it into a sea of isolation, face masks, and my absolute *favorite*, change (note the sarcasm).

I’m not going to end this post with a list of things to change in order to achieve peace or rest. There are tons of articles on that. Instead, I want to talk about God and His peace. I want to talk about burnout and the horrible empty feeling. I want to talk about trying your best and failing.

Burnout

I have always had a twisted view of burnout. It was an achievement to run yourself into the ground. It was an accomplishment to try your hardest and somehow rest in your hard work. Burnout was a sign of dedication. That image of burnout was ignorant.

Merriam-Webster describes burnout as “exhaustion of physical or emotional strength usually as a result of prolonged stress or frustration.”

Merriam-Webster

I wrote a journal entry earlier this month before I realized what I was feeling. “I’m tired. I don’t mean physically. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, morally, socially exhausted. I’m tired of trying, of winning one battle then losing ten. I’m tired of struggling and feeling like I’m constantly behind, playing catch-up. Being disappointed and angry at myself is tiring. I hate this constant feeling of fear and stress.”

“Old” Wounds

I thought I had processed the change in my life. I thought I had worked past the move, the drama of the move, the new school, the issues at school, the new living situation, the loss of my community. But I thought I had dealt with it all and now lived in the present, dealing with present issues. I can’t go into detail, but the social aspect of school has been hard. My group of friends, their personalities, mannerisms, and their friendship were what I was used to. I thought being the new kid would be easier than it apparently is.

I was stretching myself thin. Mentally, I believed I should be able to handle it all. I blamed my overwhelmed feelings and stress on poor time management. I blamed my physical tiredness on a lack of exercise. The spiritual dryness I blamed on my lack of time in God’s word. The mental exhaustion I blamed on schoolwork. I pinned the emotional exhaustion on not being able to find time to destress by writing. I felt morally exhausted because I couldn’t find the strength to surrender every negative thought constantly. Socially, it was exhausting to constantly maintain my confident personality despite the feelings of isolation. I had to battle my natural tendencies to internalize everything. Every small joke here or there I internalized, overanalyzed, and it killed my confidence. That fed the self-worth issues, which fueled the depression and self-blame. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t “get over it.”

Too Much and Too Little

Looking at all the journal entries, having a moment to breathe and reflect, I realize that I was trying too hard. I was putting all the responsibility and blame on myself. I was frustrated that I wasn’t checking all the boxes because I couldn’t. To be honest, I learned that I can’t, and that’s okay. I was adding all this pressure to perform well, to handle all the change, negative thoughts, negative input from others, and the overall new “level” I had to meet.

I’ve been told to focus on one thing at a time as to relieve some of the pressure. Focus on one task. If you’re stressed, focus on calming yourself down. For me, writing everything down on a single piece of paper, preferably a planner, helps to get everything out of your head.

Time Travel

If I could go back and talk to myself even from a week ago, I would tell her to relax. You should not carry all of this stress and responsibility on your back. It’s not even should you or should you not, it’s you cannot physically, emotionally, spiritually handle everything on your own. Please, stop putting all this pressure on yourself. You have issues, yes. But it will only make them worse if you try to correct everything at once. You can’t make yourself perfect. You can’t will your way to righteousness. Focus on one choice at a time. It’s okay if you don’t have the strength to filter every thought. It’s okay if you don’t have the energy to get out of bed in the morning. If that to-do list doesn’t get done, it’s okay. The world will move on. Please, erase that to-do list. Go for a walk, do your homework, eat something. It’s okay to ask for help. If you need to take a nap, take a nap. If you need to lay down and cry for a bit, go for it.

Obviously my advice has some holes. Homework must get done, time is fleeting and it is finite. But get done what you can, and maybe the rest wasn’t meant to get done. There are times in life where you have all the energy, you have all the confidence, and you have all the motivation. Times like these are usually productive, happy, content. But it is okay to have times where you need a break.

Thanks for Reading

I know this article is a little half-baked. Maybe it was a little hard to follow. If you got anything out of it, praise God. If you didn’t, thanks for reading. Reading is good for you. It works your brain. If you’re burnt out, me too. I don’t have a well-formulated 10 step plan to get you back to that confident, productive season. I can’t change the seasons. My only advice is this: You’re still human. God doesn’t want you to attempt perfection. He wants you to seek surrender. Stop saying “I can handle it.” You can’t. Sorry for the super upbeat message (remember the sarcasm?), but it’s a mood, and that’s okay.