Why is it that pointing people to God has become an inadequate way to comfort someone? We just want to fix the situation! I remember this class discussion, and one student mentioned how she felt insufficient when telling people to pray about their issue or trust God on the subject. She described a feeling I often experience whenever a friend has a bad day.

The Core of Being “Ms Fix it”

There is this ingrained desire to solve problems. At the core of some of us, we feel this need to make everything better. My mom always described this feeling as wanting to be someone’s savior. When someone trusts us enough to open up about their lousy grade, parents’ divorce, or crumbling love life, we want to fix the situation, make everyone happy, and save the day.

The desire to fix the situation, while seemingly harmless, puts this immense pressure on you to stop the hurting; this can lead to not wanting to make friends for fear they will ask something of you. As in all things, we should examine the heart first.

I want always to be the “yes girl” and be everyone’s favorite person. One semester, I signed up for every extracurricular program I could find. I took every opportunity, and “no” quickly left my vocabulary. For a few months, I rode this high of feeling needed in my community. I felt like I had a place, and I fit in. But overscheduling is one of my weaknesses, and I crashed only months later. There was this weight keeping me from getting up in the mornings. I felt like I had let everyone down. I had disappointed myself, God, my community.

Click here to read more about my experience with burnout.

In that burnout, God began to reveal to me the real issue. It wasn’t an issue of time management; it wasn’t a problem of scheduling or energy. These excuses for my crash were just that, excuses. They were lies I fed myself to justify the next yes, the next project I agreed to, the following program I joined. In its purest form, the issue was simply selfishness. For me, the desire to be needed looked like everyone praising my immaculate management abilities, my eloquent speaking abilities, and my ability to think and act quickly and effectively—all for my glory.

Getting Caught up in the Noise

“For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of no effect.”

1 Corinthians 1:17 NKJV

God showed me this verse and with it the words “not me, but you.” I get so caught up in what I can do, where I need to improve, what others think of me that God gets lost in the noise. I wanted to give the right advice and fix the issue, but God did not make me to be a savior. We aren’t here to solve people’s problems but to point them back to the one who can.

When someone feels comfortable enough to share their bad day with you, remember that is a great privilege. I say all of this to my younger self, don’t make it about you. God has chosen you to speak life into people. Don’t stress about saying the right words, giving just the right advice. Trying to fill the God-sized hole in others is a result of having a God-sized hole in yourself.

I still struggle with being the “yes girl,” and I still struggle with pointing others back to God’s word instead of trying to compile my own words of wisdom, but there is nothing more perfect than surrender. Surrender the worries to God. Relinquish the outcome of a situation to the one who knows the ending.

This post was originally a guest post of mine written for the Three Eleven Blog, so you can read the rest of this post by clicking here.

Until next time,

-Alycia Dantier