It is safe to say that the Bible’s most prominent theme is love. Whether it be God’s love, brotherly love, or romantic affections. The Bible also has a lot to say about the love of friends and building biblical boundaries in friendships. Motivational speaker Jim Rhon once said that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. I remember when I first came across this quote; immediately, I set to psychoanalyzing how the characteristics I wanted to have compared to those of the people I talked to and hung out with. After this analysis, I realized two things: One, I didn’t have more than five close friends. Two, the people around me in their own little groups were not the kind of people I wanted to be like. I think this was one of the reasons I became more judgmental of others.

People who wanted to be my friend had to go through a “screening process.” Which, in moderation, is healthy. You need to be careful of who you allow into your life and eventually, your heart. But, as usual, I went to the extreme, religiously sticking to first impressions and biased assumptions and “rules” that I thought were healthy. I was setting boundaries. Or so I thought. You can read more about being judgemental and making assumptions here. Well, once I changed schools and became separated from my few close buddies, I realized I had no one else. I aggravated the situation by becoming defensive. I was lonely and out of my comfort zone, pushing me deeper into being a personality-lacking, defensive, unsocial gal. Thankfully, God sent miracle workers to eventually bring me out of my shell.

But, instead of finishing the story, I want to focus on that fine line between building Biblical boundaries in friendships and the other side of shutting good people and incredible relationships out of your life.

Building Biblical Boundaries in Friendships

The best place to turn to for advice is the Bible. So, here are some verses on friendship; what a healthy friendship should look like versus people you should stay away from.

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

Proverbs 13:20

“Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

1Corinthians 15:33

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers.”

Psalm 1:1

“But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.”

1 Corinthians 5:11

Some of these, if not most, are relatively obvious. But it gets more challenging when you put these guidelines to the New Testament standards. We know Jesus fulfilled the laws, thus raising the bar in a sense.

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.”

Matthew 5:21-22

This raises the bar. Okay, so if you kill someone, you have sinned. But now, the New Testament is saying that being angry with someone is murder. Great.

Of course, on our own, we can’t entirely be at peace with everyone all the time. Although, by exposing yourself to angry people, especially those who don’t care to work through the anger, you will think (subconsciously and/or consciously) it isn’t so bad to be angry.

Anger can be expressed in many ways, also. Not only in obvious ways (cussing, shouting, fighting, etc.) but also in emotional ways (manipulation, holding grudges, etc.).
I give you this as an example. This process of opening your mind to more than just the black and white ink letters in the Bible. There are more meanings than just literal.

Breaking it down

Step 1—Simplify the premise by fitting it into a 7 deadly sins category, which is vital in building biblical boundaries in friendships
Example: If the verse is warning against drunkards, ask, “which sin is this?” for this example, it would be gluttony.

Step 2—Also helpful in building biblical boundaries in friendships is to think of examples of that sin besides what the Bible already mentions.
Example: Gluttony can be expressed by over-eating, being selfish with possessions, resources, putting an excess of food/drink over health, safety, and other necessities.

Step 3—move on to the next verse.

Apply

Do whatever you have to do to remind yourself of the importance of boundaries and how little choices add up quickly. You could make a list of the characteristics to avoid or even better, a list of those to seek out in people.

Prayer

Dear God, thank you for continuing to teach me about your love and how to love others. Friendship is a way to do that, so please show me how to choose the right friends while loving others. Help me to balance setting healthy boundaries with loving everyone as you love them. Show me how to do that.
Amen.