I have a terrible habit of overscheduling myself. It’s near impossible to say no to others, my friends, or even myself. This desperate need to take on more and more is another branch of perfectionism. It starts when I find a new project, and I can’t pick and choose what I take on. Because choosing just one creative project or just one new business venture is too difficult a decision, I resort to planning a strategy to handle it all flawlessly. I bet you can guess how that usually turns out. Instead of rest, I try to hustle harder. Maybe because I didn’t know how to rest.

My Burden

Three years ago, I wrote down a list of goals I wanted to accomplish in the next three years. Dreaming of how productive and put together I would become, I closed the file, set a reminder, and forgot about the list. Recently, the reminder fulfilled its purpose. Scrolling through unaccomplished goal after unaccomplished goal made my stomach twist. Simple things like “learn to touch my toes” and “grow my hair out to 30 inches” felt like knives, proving I had blood and bones. The list proved I was human.

It’s like I forget I’m human. I choose inhuman burdens and reprimand myself for not running in perfect form with them. Perfectionism makes you forget the human, imperfect body by demanding perfection. Every moment must be productive; every thought must be good; I should utilize every second. If an opportunity slips or I decide to escape it by binging a show or eating one too many sweets, the inner critic has a field day. I get overwhelmed, anxious, even depressed.

There is Another Way

In John 5, Jesus visits the pool of Bethesda, which is where people came to be healed. A man lay there, paralyzed, for 38 years, waiting for healing. Jesus comes up to him and asks in verse 7, “‘Do you want to be healed?’” This seemingly obvious question required the man to admit that he was sick and in need of help. Jesus tells the paralytic to stand up and walk away. The man does so, and his leap of faith grants him healing.

The man had spent 38 years subscribing to one way of healing. He believed this was the only way to become well. But here comes Jesus, asking him an obvious question and offering a new way to be healed. He tells this guy, “hey, there is another way to be healed, and it isn’t what you have been doing for years.”

Perfectionism convinces us there is only one way to feel accepted and at peace. But Jesus comes along and tells us, “hey, there is a better way.”

Change From Hustle Harder to Rest

“For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel,
‘In returning and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.’
But you were unwilling,”

Isaiah 30:15

Isaiah 30:15 says there is a better way to find strength, to find fulfillment, and it isn’t through excessive work and burn-out. In “quietness and in trust shall be your strength” and in “rest you shall be saved (Isaiah 30:15).”

Rest is hard work. It’s a habit you have to build. It’s a discipline you have to master. Learning the art of resting is infinitely more challenging in a culture that prizes hustling. We aren’t called to be of the world, of this “hustle harder” generation. I hate saying it, but God also calls us to speak the truth even though it hurts, right?

The Way Out

“Thus says the Lord:
‘Stand by the roads, and look,
and ask for the ancient paths,
where the good way is; and walk in it,
and find rest for your souls.
But they said, “We will not walk in it.”’”

Jeremiah 6:16

Imagine a girl with tired eyes and dirt on her face and clothing. She was lost in the forest and unable to find a path. Desperate, exhausted, burnt-out, and finally, someone comes along, finds her in her place of desperation and exhaustion. He shows her the way out, and He advises her to visit a house where He will provide her food, rest, warmth, and all other necessities. But she refuses, insisting that she could find her own way. Jeremiah 6:16 beautifully illustrates this idea.

Throughout the Bible, many of God’s blessings include rest and peace. He is a God of provision, not of want, not of burn-out. Isaiah 26:3 says to find peace, look to God. To find sanctuary from the burdens of perfectionism, disappointment in yourself, the exhausting to-do list, refrain from opening that notes app and making a battle plan, a way to dig yourself out of this hole. Refrain from rewriting the to-do list to make it cleaner, refrain from searching “how to get more energy,” or drinking another cup of coffee. The human in me wants to claw my way out, calling for help but passing it by when it comes. The human in me is determined to do the same thing for thirty-eight years, or however long it takes to achieve healing, acceptance, peace.

My Realization for Rest

I looked back on that list of unaccomplished goals. Realizing it was another desperate attempt to feel confident in myself, feel good about who I was by expanding what I could do. I was content to keep doing what I’ve been doing because it’s predictable, and it’s what I know. But of course, trusting Jesus’ “better way” takes more trust, more blind faith. I wanted to impress myself so that I would feel good about myself. I tried to quiet the inner critic by impressing it, so I never told it no. I’ve allowed this spoiled child to dictate what I do and don’t do, and I’m getting desperate enough to kick them out.

It begins with Jesus’ question, “do you want to be healed?” Ask yourself, “am I sick? Is perfectionism bad? Is it a liar? Do I need to silence it?” The answer will dictate the healing. The level of faith is the level of healing.

Until next time,
-Alycia